Easily I can confess that the most difficult aspect of growing up isn’t the job, it’s not the responsibility and it’s certainly not the self changes. It’s the friendships you’ve maintained for years and the way that life changes them.
It has so many factors that it’s honestly more surprising to me that more people don’t have less friends. By this I mean that literally everything has to be a certain way to maintain a friendship once you reach adulthood, the stars must align with the planets, not to forget to mention how heavily maturity plays a role.
When you’re a kid the extent of the expectations of friendship is someone to bitch about gym with, share toys and bonus points if they have bad-ass lunches and are willing to make trades. High school is a heavy time of realizing the importance of dependency in a relationship in an emotional sense. This carries into adulthood but certainly carries a different weight. Adult friendships are emotionally important as well as needing that physical dependency, that knowledge of being able to rely on someone for nearly anything really creates trust and comfort that isn’t always there even in family relationships.
The two biggest struggles I’ve learned to face when dealing with these “adult” relationships is the ability to let go and understanding lifestyle changes.
This is super vague but I promise it’ll make sense.
- Moving on: The difference between good memories and a good relationship.
Certainly this was not my favorite of experiences to deal with but unfortunately it’s the reality of a majority of friendships. Especially ones that have attempted to transition from high school to adulthood, sometimes it just doesn’t work.
Most people are guilty of obsessing over fond memories with those who they had a fallout with. The problem with this is that you tend to focus mostly on how that person made you feel in those great moments rather than how your relationship actually was any other day. Attempting to revive these kind of relationships are pretty touchy as well, just because you have forgiven or forgotten some past event doesn’t mean they have and it certainly doesn’t mean they view the relationship as they once did. We change and may simply just not be who we were and for some people it’s too much to accept the new you.
- Lifestyle Changes: clubbers to nappers.
An extremely difficult reality to face for either party involved is life changes. Easily I can say that if you survive these changes though, then that is a relationship worth keeping forever. One day you’re making bad decisions with your bestie, partying it up, bar hopping or simply binge watching your favorite serial killer documentaries. Months later you find yourself friends with someone who has completely abandoned that lifestyle and moved into motherhood.
As a kid, I can admit that unfortunately I had a friend or two who became mothers at a young age, and I was unable to be mature enough to maintain those relationships. This deeply bothers me now that I am able to at this age but I try not to let that bring me down, after all I understand that it’s difficult to give up that certain lifestyle when you’re already scared of growing up.
Skipping to today I easily transitioned into being the friend of a new mother and let me tell you, this shit is awesome. As you get older you kind of get tired of the party scene and most nights just ordering a pizza, watching a movie and playing with your niece is all the fun you need.
- Purely, Simply, Beautifully Happy.
At the end of the day you will have different friends that you can share ideas and passions with. I’m still friends with people I’ve known for a decade and I’ve made friends just in the last few years who mean more to me than they could ever know.
I’ve got the ones I can enjoy a beer with and the ones I can enjoy a five hour life discussion with. They all make me a well-rounded person and make me a better friend through their stories and love they give.
You won’t see these friends as often as you did or you’d like, and you may not speak to each other every day. But these are the kinds of friends I hope that everyone has at least one of. They are all so dear to me, supportive of my ideas and dreams, challenging of my beliefs and some of the most intellectual conversationalist I’ve had the honor of arguing with.