You know that horrific moment when you stumble across old pictures and just think, “What the actual hell happened and who am I?“.
As we get older we change so much, physically and mentally. It isn’t until time passes though that we look back and realize who we are and were.
For someone like me it is extremely unsettling and fills me with panic at this apparent loss of identity. I obsess with when I changed, why I changed and how no one else could have pointed out how different I had become.
It took me a long time to realize the reason no one pointed these things out was because my clothes, my hair, my piercings and my makeup weren’t who I was or am. They are simply choices I made every day and it relied heavily on what I was simply into at the time and growing to accept that I’ve matured and have a different idea of beautiful and fashionable was extremely difficult.
Where others saw normal change, I completely saw loss of everything that made me “unique”.
It wasn’t really until I had talked to my mother that I realized this wasn’t the case.
She pointed out to me the difference between being happy and looking back and being happy with what you see. I was a miserable mess during the time where I look back and think about how “cool” I looked. I was stuck in a horrible depression with horrible habits and I was entirely a different person than I am today.
Realizing I wouldn’t change my mental state for those shirts or stylish hair made me realize how far I’ve honestly come without even realizing it.
So if you find yourself panicking or sobbing in your car four hours late at night because you feel lost or different or a stranger to yourself, think about who you really were during those times.
Were you actually happy? Did you have supportive people in your life? Or were you compensating physically for the mental or emotional struggles you were facing?
Each time a snake sheds its’ scales, it becomes more vibrant and beautiful. It does not notice these changes as we do and I’m sure it never thinks about the skin it shed four years ago.